Check out a cute, little piece on Aish.com:
http://www.aish.com/literacy/mitzvahs/Surveillance.asp

I remember a lecture I once attended (astonishing, since my memory is practically non-existent). I think it was Rabbi Dovid Kaplan, who's extremely wise and funny--a great combination!--who told this story (of course, I'm re-telling it in my own words. Hope you don't mind!):

Yankel calls up Shmerel, says, "Tell me something--but be really, really honest with me. Okay?"
"Kay."
"Okay, tell me: Am I a jerk?"
"Uh, no."
"Am I rude, incorrigible, argumentative, rough-around-the-edges, annoying, and abrasive?"
"Uh, not really."
"Am I demeaning, contemptuous, mean, nasty, and insulting?"
"Gosh, I really don't think so."
"Phew," sighed the friend. "That's all, then."
"Uh, would you mind giving just a tiny little explanation?"
"No, not at all. Y'see, I just encountered a person who had the worst character in the entire world. He was, well, many of the things that I just described to you. And I really was taken aback by him. I thought, 'How can it be that a person can behave this way?' And almost immediately, the thought dawned on me: 'Maybe he doesn't realize that that's the way he acts!' So I immediately decided to call a good friend and check myself out--maybe I also act that way, unbeknownst to myself!!"

Great story, huh? Well, I'd just like to add one more facet. Our Sages teach that bad middos (character traits) are a choli hanefesh, a spiritual illness. And thinking about character defects in that way is so much more comforting and do-able! I recently encountered a person who, shall we say, also seems to fit most of the adjectives listed above. I kid you not. This person always exudes--oozes--contempt and distaste, and it is really kind of sad. So as I walked home, licking my fresh wounds from the very overt put-downs, I suddenly had a startling realization: This person is sick! Nebbach! Spiritually ill, as i! People struggle with all sorts of things in life--financial problems, difficult kids, stringy hair, and bad character traits are just one more challenge, albeit one that causes a great deal more distress to others than, like, stringy hair.

It really depersonalized the insult; my empathy over her problem effectively blocked out the sting of her put-down. Better than wallowing in self-pity and resentment. I prayed for her--sick people need prayers, right?

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