My daughter is a born leader. Some kids just are. Thankfully, she is one of those benevolent dictators, and she knows just how to step into a situation and take control. I knew all this, of course. In fact, I have alternately marveled over this, talked to her about this, and spoken to my husband about this "Handle With Care" gift of hers for many years now. On the one hand, it makes her Queen Bee, at the top of the heap. On the other hand, it's painful when she's upended, which happens every once in awhile.

But I never realized the extent of her ruling powers and also the extent of her doting fans. Until yesterday.

"Right my hair is like yours?" Friend A asks, a look of agonizing hopefulness etched clear across her face. "It's like yours but it doesn't look exactly like yours, but it's still like yours, right?"

My heart catches in my throat, like a hairpin, stuck.

"Right," my daughter agrees good-naturedly. She cannot possibly grasp the depth of Friend A's longing. This, I know.

They go outside to play. I hover near them. They are discussing Purim costumes, what they will dress up as. My daughter casually says she wants to be a butterfly (Note: This is a rerun from last year Purim--I get to actually save money!) this year. Immediately, Friend A and Friend B jump in on the idea.

"Let's ALL be butterflies this year!" they clamor. My daughter considers the proposal.

And then my heart really does flip-flops.

Friend B says, "YOU'LL be the Queen Butterfly and we'll be your butterfly servants!"

There is such raw humility in the concept. My daughter is oblivious to this. She excitedly informs me that she, as queen, will have a huge butterfly painted across her face while her two friends-slash-maids will have small butterflies painted on their cheeks.

What makes some kids the queens and others the maids? How do these friends fall in so naturally to that role while my daughter exudes so much power and unhesitating confidence? It stymies me, worries me, excites and horrifies me.

I can't really relate. I was always one of the followers, pining for a chance to get two small butterflies on my cheeks.

 


Comments

Yehudis
12/17/2009 16:33

I'm reading this almost a year later (December '09) and finding it quite interesting. Maybe you can do a full-length article on the subject.

I remember that some girls were more popular than others but nothing like what you write! I cannot imagine offering to be a classmate's servant!

I asked my son whether there was anything like this in school and he said nope.

Is this a girl thing? Is it cultural? Is it more Israeli than say, Lakewood/Boro Park/Baltimore?

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